i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
