I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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