Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
