Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
