quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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