my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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