Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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