you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
