Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize