Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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