how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
