Welp...herpes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
