none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
