Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
