just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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