Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
