Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
