Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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