I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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