i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
