The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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