The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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