his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
