my sisters under your porch take her home
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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