how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I didn't notice because vodka
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
