I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You made out with two different species that night
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
