So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
