im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
