I have demons in me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
