question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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