I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
