I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Pappa wants mamma naked
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
