I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize