It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
