he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
