Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
