i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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