Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
