What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
