I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
