Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i wish my penis had a tongue
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
