dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was born a porn star she said
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
