Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
