dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
