Soap is not a condiment
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
