oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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