peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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