she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
