My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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