He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
