I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
