I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
