Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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