just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
