if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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