This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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