so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
