I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
40s are totally the cure
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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