I cannot find my penis.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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