I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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