sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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