Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
