Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
