I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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