just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Randomize
