Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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