it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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