I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
