I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
