Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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