I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize