He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize